Beginnings and Endings

 The following few days will be a momentous day for many of us. Whether we like it or not, it marks the beginning of a new chapter in life - the passageway to adulthood. On the 4th of July, I will be leaving for UM, my dad's alma mater to pursue a degree in Biomedical Engineering. I'm excited yet I'm nervous all at the same time. Deep inside there is a sense of fear and reluctance as well. I guess its because there are things in my life which will only continue to exists in my life as memories.

Things I will miss...

Family

Mom and dad. I really thank God for putting such great people in my life. I just wouldn't be me without
them. My Sis. Though she already 'left the nest', I guess I'll continue to miss her more. Kit. Having shared so much for so long, life is definitely going to be missing something now.

Friends

So many in this category. LOL I guess it isn't fair to mention people just because there are so many of you who have truly been great friends in every sense. I will definitely miss the outings.. the company. My only regret is not having spent more time knowing that we won't see much of each other in the near future. Really hope we do get to meet up from time to time no matter how far apart we are.

School

In a weird sense, i guess i'll miss it. Teachers and all.

Home

This is just going to feel like a really long camp.

In a time like this.. I remember something..

Ecclesiastes 3

A Time for Everything

 ¹ For everything there is a season,
      a time for every activity under heaven.
 ² A time to be born and a time to die.
      A time to plant and a time to harvest.
 ³ A time to kill and a time to heal.
      A time to tear down and a time to build up.
 ⁴ A time to cry and a time to laugh.
      A time to grieve and a time to dance.
 ⁵ A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones.
      A time to embrace and a time to turn away.
 ⁶ A time to search and a time to quit searching.
      A time to keep and a time to throw away.
 ⁷ A time to tear and a time to mend.
      A time to be quiet and a time to speak.
 ⁸ A time to love and a time to hate.
      A time for war and a time for peace.

I guess its time to grow up =)

I'll keep these things close to my heart no matter what.
To all my friends, no matter where you are... I really hope you guys will... (at the risk of sounding corny) reach for the stars... Never forget the things that matter... There will always be a place for you in my heart.

Memories to cherish

Iskandarians finally had our outing!!! yay =)


It was kinda rushed... it was last minute... but it went very very well =)

PICNIC + BOWLING + LUNCH + BADMINTON

I really have to thank mc and xy for taking the initiative to plan this thing. I really really appreciate their effort!! Believe me it isn't easy. Basic prerequisites include patience, patience and more patience. I don't have much of that i suppose.

Anyway, i tumpang-ed xy that day and we were early hahha.. very early.. mc was late lol. We found a nice spot and set up. One by one they came.. mc, mandy, kc and then the 'injured' devar. Then was makan time =) sandwiches salad jelly ... not bad huh? All of the sudden i found myself surrounded by childish kids playing with a water gun -_-"

At abt 11 when it started to get hot we went to jusco!! Met up with wei liang, Siva and Kumar for some bowling.. Very happy i could manage a 3 digit score =) but still only placed 3rd haha... they were lucky today.. siva and mc... can't believe it haha...

After lunch it was time for badminton... another platform for Siva to show off... pity Devar the most... even wei liang got a smash on the forehead... haha..

Really had a good time last thursday. Just good times in good company. I thank God that we had this chance to have fun because who knows when we will be meeting each other again.I really want to take this opportunity to wish all my friends from Iskandar all the best =) I really treasure the moments. In one way or another you guys have influenced me to be who i am today. And so i am forever indebted to you guys =) Love all of you !!

BTW, happy birthday to mc tomorrow =)
20 already, pls start acting it hahhaha have a good one God bless

Give it time

AND THE WAIT IS OVER!!!
Oh well, i didn't get it. The world isn't going to end. It would have been nice but i guess God has better plans.

Just wanted to update my blog.. since my last post was about the wait... Anyway, i always believe that God allows things to happen for a reason. Reminds me of a song from Joseph the Dreamer..

You Know Better Than I

" You know better than i,
  You know the way,
  I've let go my need to know why,
  I'll take what answers you supply,
  For you know better than I."

Note to self: Look back and see God's great plans in action.

The Wait

I've been waiting for close to 2 months now. But still there is no reply. The wait is agonizing.

Honestly, this whole Bank Negara experience has been very helpful and so far I feel it has been not so much about the scholarship but about personal development. I learned a lot during the interview process as well as meeting quite a few cool friends which i would never have had a chance to meet. Undeniably getting the scholarship would be awesome but I told myself long ago not to expect anything simply because I don't want to get disappointed. But just recently there was this rumor i heard that one of the guys from the interviews had got the call. ( means we people who did not get the call were rejected )

I felt something - a tinge of sadness and disappointment. And i started wondering whether I was who i thought and said I was. I always thought i could handle it well and be able to move on stronger without looking back at what might have been because what God has in store for me is way better.

But as it turns out I'm not there yet. Maybe I need to learn to deal with disappointment more and what better way to learn that experience it.

But I found out that it wasn't as we made it out to be.. The guy got the call because Bank negara needed to clarify some details. o.O

Anyway, the wait continues. I shall learn to be more patient. No matter what the outcome, i will do my best to accept it and hopefully this time I can handle it.

Random..

My sis came home today.... Look what she brought home...





My parents say her luggage multiplied O.o

La Vie En Rose

La Vie En Rose - Life in rosy hues

I was just listening to this song called La vie en rose and i was reminded of how moving music can be. Literally, it means life through pink-coloured glasses or life in pink. But my favourite translation would be life in rosy hues. So i thought I'd do some music appreciation.

I close my eyes and listen.

The music starts. I hear the sounds of the piano. Like water streaming - quick yet gentle and subtle. It sets my mind at ease. Like the slow flow of a river... my soul is at rest. And then, seamlessly the beautiful melody of the trumpet fills the air. Note by note with conviction but without imposing. Somehow i find myself along the sidewalk of a brick road. Just watching. Watching as the night sky is filled with a majestic crimson hue in splashes - almost like a painting. I stand there watching. Lovebirds hand in hand walking along the dusty pavement. He puts his arm around her and looks at her as though she were the only thing that mattered. In that brief moment, a fragment in time... he realizes that his world revolves around her. Her gentle eyes, windows to her soul... reveals the same things. Like kids, they laughed and giggled, whisper sweet nothings.

*They start to dance. Clumsy but elegant. With beautiful movement they swayed in unison all the while laughing and gazing into each other's eyes - like no one was watching. The song - words heartfelt sung like a love poem while no one was listening. Surely they were in love. Taking that leap of trust and faith like they've never been hurt. They were free like birds. No one to tell them how to live or who to live for. Just together like heaven on Earth.*

Smiling, they finally settled on a wooden bench exhausted but elated. They huddle close as she leans her head on his shoulders. They gaze into the crimson sky - trying to crystallize this moment in their memory forever. They watched the sky together until the sun set beyond the endless horizon.

La vie en rose.

-song ends-

Somehow i feel like i should spend some time writing a song =)

* * I rephrased Mark Twain

Lyrics | Louis Armstrong lyrics - La Vie En Rose lyrics

Long Long Interview = Long Long Post

How should you react when you get called up for an interview???

i dunno... who said i was going to tell you anyway =)

Anyway, i received a call up on Thursday to go for Bank Negara Scholarship interviews. Apparently they had sent an e-mail to me and i was supposed to reply them. So i casually opened up my mail which is usually filled with facebook updates, and sure enough it was there in my deleted messages - dated the previous Tuesday. I shuddered to think of what would have happened if they hadn't called me.

I didn't know what to expect since the interview letter stated 7.30 am to 6.00 pm @.@ So i just did some research on Bank Negara ( an interesting read actually, finally understood some economic things i heard of before) and read an article about going through interviews i had pulled out of The Star a week before. Its really strange and amazing how God works. I saw the article, thought 'hey, this is interesting!', pulled it out and put it on the table. A week later, WOW!! A need fulfilled.

I woke up at about 5.00 am that Monday. Took a bath, had light breakfast and headed to Lanai Kijang where the interviews are held. When i reached there, i had a plan. I'd make friends, be friendly and have a good time. But the moment i reached the lobby, a wave of coldness took over me. I just sat there in the lobby with the others. Too frozen to do anything. I was so nervous and i don't know why. So i just said a silent prayer and tried to mix around. By the grace of God I was a bit more warmed up during breakfast and soon we were being briefed. We were told that out of the 2600 applicants only 37 of us were shortlisted!!! Wow, i couldn't help but feel a bit proud =)

The first stage, essay writing. 1 hour 2 essays 1 english 1 malay. Honestly, i wrote nonsense. 1 hour for 1 is not enough for me let alone 2. I struggled with the bm essay a lot not because i was rusty but because i just couldn't think of any points, well not in that time frame. So i just wrote whatever that popped up in my empty mind and pray it made sense lol. I really hope this part does not weigh much XD


Immediately after that i was sent to have my 3 to 1 interview since i was first in the orange group list. And you know what?? I loved my interview. It was nice since the 3 interviewers were really friendly and nice. It was more like a chit chat session i guess =) Come to think of it, i felt that the whole Bank Negara staff were really friendly. It wasn't that kind of put-on-fake-smile that you see everywhere but i really felt genuine warmth.

Next up for me was individual presentation where they would give us a case study to present. The case was 'Working at home through the internet' and i opposed it. I did this in MUET before but anyhow i was still rushed and i didn't really have time to compose my thoughts. As a result i think my presentation was a bit clumsy and cluttered. After that, i was bombarded with difficult and tricky questions and i was able to answer all of them but i wouldn't know how well i answered them lol. Overall i think i did ok here but it isn't a good sign when one of your points get questioned =)

After that i was pretty free. If only i knew i would have brought a book. I waited with my team mates as there was only the group presentation left. But some of my mates had not finished their interviews yet - pity them. Group presentation was the most challenging part of all. They gave us this case study of us being a SMCT (Special Mission Critical Team) of Sunrise Construction Sdn. Bhd. whereby we were supposed to propose several management initiatives to the company during the current economic crisis. Our list of to do's

Take up specific roles and explain our job (project manager etc.)
Present our ideas to the management
Suggest problems that may arise and how to solve it.

Problem was we had 20 minutes to prepare while they watched us @.@ and... after reading the really long question twice... i was still blur... I didn't dare open my mouth. But somehow we managed. After our presentation, they fired us with questions and gosh some of them just made me freeze because i just didn't know how to answer them. But i guess we did well in the sense we covered up for each other well. =) Love my team yeah!!

So that was it. The entire interview process. Just wanted to thank everyone for their well wishes, prayers and concern. Really helped!! I omitted tonnes of details because i know this is a really long post and its so dry... Anyways, until next time. Praise the Lord!!

Sweet... Bitter.. Sweet

Today was fun. Finally had an Iskandar gathering =) Woots!! The planned 3 day 2 night trip was a failure... but today's outing was good - 8 came (pretty late) .
Did I tell anybody how i hate planning outings?? Well, i do. The bigger the group, the worse. Its just so hard to get people. Sometimes it just gets discouraging. But hey, people have their own reasons don't they. That's why 8 was a great number for me =)

Anyway, Alice in Wonderland wasn't what i expected. It was pretty cool in parts but i wish they'd show more of the characters which to me was what made it interesting. I could vaguely remember the cartoon but i really don't remember much about mad hatter. We were late for the movie (Malaysian rubber time) =P But i don't think we missed that much.



After lunch and after visiting some friends... we went BOWLING!!
Well it was funny hahha. Really took my mind off things. It reminded me of why i wanted to meet up with these guys in the first place. There's really nothing better than having fun with good friends. It was an off day for me in bowling... cheh... asyik senget ... but still respectable. Devar was REALLY lucky today... 2 strikes??? Left siva fuming. Wei Liang did well.. his first time haha... well xin yi... what can i say... more power!!

After that was weird... meichern went missing.. literally. We assumed she went back so we had an ice cream and went home ;P sorry

On another note, i realized something today. Sometimes, we're just so caught up in things, we forget to be a good friend. We expect so much of others but yet we don't put in the same amount ourselves. Do unto others what you want others to do unto you.. right? But instead we get all critical and we judge too quickly before we even think through why someone reacts a certain way. I felt disappointed in myself today... i wasn't sensitive enough. I regret acting too quickly and i feel i have let someone down. I was too eager to comfort my own ego that i wrecked things up. I guess i'm just not there yet. haiz.. in time i hope i will.

Anyway, a shoutout to one of my best-est buddies, nothing beats sitting in the same class for 11 years.. A very Blessed 20th birthday... hgnis rednivlad lol... hope you see this after you completed your assignments XP.

It just seems life is a series of ups and downs... bittersweet... Just have to take it all in.

(I realized i'm back to long posts... but hey at least its more regular right?)

You don't miss the water til the well runs dry

I was watching The Book of Eli a few hours back, and something struck a chord with me. Regarding the old days ( its set in the future so old days means now ),
Eli said,

"People threw away things we would fight for now. They didn't know what was really precious."

-well it went something like that-

I was just thinking. How true. People just don't know how to appreciate things when they have it. A few songs come to mind.

Counting Crows - They Paved Paradise
Craig David - You Don't Miss Your Water (Til The Well Runs Dry)

Just something to we should all think about.

For God's glory

The Lord has been good to me.

3 a 1 a-

That's pretty good right??

lol, my only regret is that the a- was bio. Of all things why bio!!!! I was just telling my mom, if it were anything it would be my chemistry or PA. i was pretty confident of maths and bio.
For the record, bio paper was pretty easy and straight forward. Couldn't believe my eyes when my paper 2 bio was a b+. Oh well, easy papers are never good news. But God is great. God probably didn't want me to get cocky or let pride slip in. My results are fine with me =)

Some of my friends did well. Others didn't. Some though i thought they had reasonably good results were obviously disappointed. But I really do hope they will always take their results in proper perspective. For me form 6 was a time of learning - finding who i am and really building relationships with friends. So no matter how good or bad a result i got, i will always remember form 6 for the times we had. Iskandar was a fantastic class =) and i really thank each and everyone of them for accepting me and well... bullying me =P . Doesn't mean they should though.
It probably got me more comfortable with myself and just let loose a little bit =) Well it wasn't just friendships in class but i really enjoyed all my experiences there. I am visibly more mature than when i was in form 5. Well, i like to think so =P

It feels like I'm closing another chapter in my life, but i know another is just beginning.
Well just a quote i remember from somewhere i don't remember =) I hope it will encourage you guys as it did me.

"In the end, everything will be alright. If it isn't, then it isn't the end."

A prayer to God

STPM results out this Thursday. Should i be excited? scared? I dunno.

Well, i have my hopes. I won't lie. I always try my best and aim for the best. But the danger in that is i might get disappointed. But that doesn't mean i shouldn't hope right?

Oh well, Father i pray for peace - that no matter what i will be able to accept my results. Father, whatever happens, let it be for your glory. Lord, keep me safe from pride and keep me humble. I want to thank You for everything. Lord, about the applications, show me what you have planned for me. Grant me wisdom to choose. In whatever way you lead me, Father i thank you that you will be with me.

Amen. =)

I feel better now

The Dreaded Question

Every time i meet someone, i dread the question.

"Hey, so you finished your stpm right?? What you doing now??"

"Not working??? Oh i see."

" So what course you intend to apply for?? What??!! Still not sure????", *glares disapprovingly*

Oh well. That's how most conversations generally go. I would say its kinda impossible to avoid it. How i wish they would just give me a break. Is it so hard to accept that some people just aren't sure what they want to do for a living yet? I don't want to regret this decision i'm making so why not take a little more time?? Nothing wrong with that right? I guess i just have to pray a little harder for directions. =)

Well just wanted to share some lyrics of a song. well just the 1st verse and the pre-chorus. Very meaningful.

Casting Crowns
Who Am I lyrics

Who am I?
That the Lord of all the earth,
Would care to know my name,
Would care to feel my hurt.
Who am I?
That the bright and morning star,
Would choose to light the way,
For my ever wondering heart.

Not because of who I am.
But because of what you've done.
Not because of what I've done.
But because of who you are.
-------------------------

Thank you. =)

Where we are now

"I do not want the peace that passeth understanding. I want the understanding which bringeth peace."

-Helen Keller-

When i was in primary school, things seemed great. Malaysia was united. Well that's what the textbooks said. And i believed it wholeheartedly. Really. But as my understanding progressed, Malaysian life didn't seem to fit the description. Sure we are better off than some but we sure leave a lot to be desired. Things just were not where it should be. Nope the textbooks were definitely wrong about this one. So much for OneMalaysia.

Malaysia is my home. It's our home. And it really pains me when we fight over such petty issues. Use of a word??? What??!! Come on... Do we really have to make it such a big fuss??

I believe a lot of this stems from the lack of understanding between us Malaysians. Why is that so?? How do we gain that?? The government raves about how 'racial tolerance' is the key. Is it?

The free web dictionary defines tolerance as

1. The capacity for or the practice of recognizing and respecting the beliefs or practices of others

hmmm... sounds great.
But what usually comes to mind and what i believe most Malaysians understand is..

2. capacity to endure something, esp pain or hardship.

The fact is that this encourages Malaysians to think that

'others' = something which is bad and needs to be endured

hence, we have peace that passeth understanding. For the sake of peace we'll just tolerate these 'people' right?

But no. It isn't the way. OneMalaysia is a beautiful concept. But as it is it will forever remain as that - a concept. Most people scoff at the idea. Yes it may just seem like some political propaganda and it may be exactly that. But it doesn't matter. It's still something worth fighting for. Why not try to make it reality.

I believe it is mostly a personal thing. You can only understand if you want to understand. And that is where we start. One thing i'd like to see though, is BN taking the initiative and be truly one. No more UMNO, MCA, MIC etc . Just one party. Chuck aside tolerance for understanding. For how can the nation be one if the ruling party has so many division-like sub parties. Otherwise OneMalaysia would seem so hypocritical.

I pray that God will help us understand. =)