skema from young..

I feel like blogging about something happy today. Seems like my blog has been an emo dump of late. Anyway, i don't quite know what to blog about that is happy...

I noticed how i like to look back on past experiences.. thinking of all the things i used to do and comparing them somewhat to what i do now. What i can say about my childhood was it was pleasant. Rather uneventful actually.. something which was pointed out to me recently. But still, i would classify it as carefree and sheltered. What i mostly remember was cycling around, watching tv and playing with lego.

All the while, I have great parents who disciplined me early.. as a result i was kind of the guy who follows rules to the dot.So, i mostly stayed out of mischief and was probably a teacher's pet @.@
Didn't quite understand what i was doing in school until about standard 3 which was when i started to take my studies a little more seriously.

I think that early upbringing was vital in shaping who i am now. Flash forward.. I'm still someone who follows rules quite religiously. For example, I still wear my matric card around campus.. I'm still me. There are changes... there are improvements as well. But fundamentally I'm still that little boy who wandered the hallways of SKTRJ with his hair uncombed. In a way I'm glad I'm still nerdy.. simple and optimistic. HAHA..

I don't really know the point of this post.. but I'm excited to see how my now will affect what I am to be... I have hopes and dreams and a general idea of who i want to be. I foresee excitement soon as my first year in UM draws to a close and as the events of my life unfold i will observe the shaping of myself. No matter what though I'll still bet my money on being nerdy haha.

Until i have better things to blog about...

A little confession, A big thanks..

Somehow i always have the urge to change people. I feel like walking right up to them and tell them... "this is how you should live your life."
All this while i had the notion that it was always for their own good. I was helping them. I have the best intentions. But the more i think about it... its a very selfish thing to do. Advising then demanding and almost expecting that they change. Such arrogance i must say.

But that's just not how life works isn't it?
I look in the mirror and I am ashamed. Maybe some part of me needs to feel like i'm helping out in a noble way. Selfishness. Just to feed my own emotional insecurities.

I really don't think it started off this way. But i guess somewhere along the lines.. the true intentions got blurred out. It's sad that it got this way. But I'm glad i came to my senses. After all.. a clear conscience is the best mattress.

Ahah.. now that that is out of my system, just wanted to acknowledge and thank God for helping me through a period of unbelievable madness. Minggu KEBATIM, MPD 2 phases, Easter, and APK...
For the first time in my life i could foresee days which i knew very well would break my spirit. Days shrouded with blackness so much so that i didn't want to face it. Almost a month long without break or a chance to just savor the completion of something. I didn't like it at all. I knew i would be stressed out.. i knew i would have insufficient sleep... i knew my studies will suffer... But mostly because i knew i would become somebody i didn't like... snappy, naggy, grumpy tim..
I even pre-warned close friends. But God was good.

He sent me angels to keep me going all throughout the time. Like sweet reminders and boosts of happiness and encouragement. I owe it to my friends and family XD

Seriously.. it was all i had to keep me from breaking down. And I'm really not kidding. There were times where i wanted to run out and break something. I was even entertaining thoughts of being knocked down so that i wouldn't have to face the days.
When i came home last week... i was close to tears... no exaggeration. God is just so so good.. Reminds me.. you don't tell God how big your problem is... you tell your problem how big God is...

God is awesome!

What's the verdict??

I always knew I would return someday. I've always loved writing and facebook doesn't really cut it as an outlet for me.

The last time I posted, I was on the verge on entering the doorways of University Malaya and here I am now in the midst of my second semester. Oh how time flies.
Its been fun for the most part. The experiences have been draining but undoubtedly satisfying. Through it all  I've grown to love my course and my course mates, my college and my collegians and University Malaya has been kind so far.

Like what many have said before, campus life will be the time you get a glimpse of the so-called real world as you trudge carefully out of the cocoon you've been so comfortable in. So what's the verdict? (Also the title of the upcoming PKV Easter play) What is this glimpse that i have seen?

The one thing that strikes me the most is how much hurt, pain and sadness there is in the world. The disappointments I've seen are real and are scarring. Scars that are obvious by how people live so defensively, cautiously, paranoid even. How they tenaciously guard themselves from feeling the same hurts. Some losing hope in hope itself.

Maybe I've been blessed. Whatever hardships I've faced so far are not as remotely close to what people have faced. Probably why my life's optimism is looked upon with skeptical eyes. At times, I'm just left speechless. It's just sad when people just stop hoping for something better.

A stark contrast to how my life has been before is how friendship is treated like a one chance thing. You are my friend up until the point you wrong me. So fragile these friendships are. The picture I had previously was by no means all rosy and pleasant. But friendship was something you fought for, something you would scale the highest mountains for just a chance at patching up. It seems now that people would much rather throw it all away to save the heartache.

Sometimes, the more i think of it, the more depressing it is. But it just goes to show how much the world needs God. How much they are missing the message of forgiveness and love. I really hope that i can somehow show this to them. Things never seem right until you put God in the picture. Only then, you see the perfect picture.

Beginnings and Endings

 The following few days will be a momentous day for many of us. Whether we like it or not, it marks the beginning of a new chapter in life - the passageway to adulthood. On the 4th of July, I will be leaving for UM, my dad's alma mater to pursue a degree in Biomedical Engineering. I'm excited yet I'm nervous all at the same time. Deep inside there is a sense of fear and reluctance as well. I guess its because there are things in my life which will only continue to exists in my life as memories.

Things I will miss...

Family

Mom and dad. I really thank God for putting such great people in my life. I just wouldn't be me without
them. My Sis. Though she already 'left the nest', I guess I'll continue to miss her more. Kit. Having shared so much for so long, life is definitely going to be missing something now.

Friends

So many in this category. LOL I guess it isn't fair to mention people just because there are so many of you who have truly been great friends in every sense. I will definitely miss the outings.. the company. My only regret is not having spent more time knowing that we won't see much of each other in the near future. Really hope we do get to meet up from time to time no matter how far apart we are.

School

In a weird sense, i guess i'll miss it. Teachers and all.

Home

This is just going to feel like a really long camp.

In a time like this.. I remember something..

Ecclesiastes 3

A Time for Everything

 ¹ For everything there is a season,
      a time for every activity under heaven.
 ² A time to be born and a time to die.
      A time to plant and a time to harvest.
 ³ A time to kill and a time to heal.
      A time to tear down and a time to build up.
 ⁴ A time to cry and a time to laugh.
      A time to grieve and a time to dance.
 ⁵ A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones.
      A time to embrace and a time to turn away.
 ⁶ A time to search and a time to quit searching.
      A time to keep and a time to throw away.
 ⁷ A time to tear and a time to mend.
      A time to be quiet and a time to speak.
 ⁸ A time to love and a time to hate.
      A time for war and a time for peace.

I guess its time to grow up =)

I'll keep these things close to my heart no matter what.
To all my friends, no matter where you are... I really hope you guys will... (at the risk of sounding corny) reach for the stars... Never forget the things that matter... There will always be a place for you in my heart.

Memories to cherish

Iskandarians finally had our outing!!! yay =)


It was kinda rushed... it was last minute... but it went very very well =)

PICNIC + BOWLING + LUNCH + BADMINTON

I really have to thank mc and xy for taking the initiative to plan this thing. I really really appreciate their effort!! Believe me it isn't easy. Basic prerequisites include patience, patience and more patience. I don't have much of that i suppose.

Anyway, i tumpang-ed xy that day and we were early hahha.. very early.. mc was late lol. We found a nice spot and set up. One by one they came.. mc, mandy, kc and then the 'injured' devar. Then was makan time =) sandwiches salad jelly ... not bad huh? All of the sudden i found myself surrounded by childish kids playing with a water gun -_-"

At abt 11 when it started to get hot we went to jusco!! Met up with wei liang, Siva and Kumar for some bowling.. Very happy i could manage a 3 digit score =) but still only placed 3rd haha... they were lucky today.. siva and mc... can't believe it haha...

After lunch it was time for badminton... another platform for Siva to show off... pity Devar the most... even wei liang got a smash on the forehead... haha..

Really had a good time last thursday. Just good times in good company. I thank God that we had this chance to have fun because who knows when we will be meeting each other again.I really want to take this opportunity to wish all my friends from Iskandar all the best =) I really treasure the moments. In one way or another you guys have influenced me to be who i am today. And so i am forever indebted to you guys =) Love all of you !!

BTW, happy birthday to mc tomorrow =)
20 already, pls start acting it hahhaha have a good one God bless

Give it time

AND THE WAIT IS OVER!!!
Oh well, i didn't get it. The world isn't going to end. It would have been nice but i guess God has better plans.

Just wanted to update my blog.. since my last post was about the wait... Anyway, i always believe that God allows things to happen for a reason. Reminds me of a song from Joseph the Dreamer..

You Know Better Than I

" You know better than i,
  You know the way,
  I've let go my need to know why,
  I'll take what answers you supply,
  For you know better than I."

Note to self: Look back and see God's great plans in action.

The Wait

I've been waiting for close to 2 months now. But still there is no reply. The wait is agonizing.

Honestly, this whole Bank Negara experience has been very helpful and so far I feel it has been not so much about the scholarship but about personal development. I learned a lot during the interview process as well as meeting quite a few cool friends which i would never have had a chance to meet. Undeniably getting the scholarship would be awesome but I told myself long ago not to expect anything simply because I don't want to get disappointed. But just recently there was this rumor i heard that one of the guys from the interviews had got the call. ( means we people who did not get the call were rejected )

I felt something - a tinge of sadness and disappointment. And i started wondering whether I was who i thought and said I was. I always thought i could handle it well and be able to move on stronger without looking back at what might have been because what God has in store for me is way better.

But as it turns out I'm not there yet. Maybe I need to learn to deal with disappointment more and what better way to learn that experience it.

But I found out that it wasn't as we made it out to be.. The guy got the call because Bank negara needed to clarify some details. o.O

Anyway, the wait continues. I shall learn to be more patient. No matter what the outcome, i will do my best to accept it and hopefully this time I can handle it.